“I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, for these are merely my perceptions about life and they are opened to debate and criticisms -please feel free to anytime. However I do believe I know better than I knew yesterday and many years before. The sincere purpose thus, is to be able to share my own thoughts and conceptions with the world in hopes that I would be able to bless and inspire someone out there and the world would be able to do the same for me; for knowledge is tyrannical unless it is shared. Enjoy!”
The church was exhilarating. I mean, people were literally on the edge of their seats with fingers up in the air for questions. The service was one that should have been very exciting for me but I was just there, sitting on the pew lost in my own thoughts because I could barely understand what the preacher was saying. At this point I think it would be safe for you to call me that stony ground Jesus insisted was not fertile enough for the sower. I mean, there were a lot of reservations spiraling in my head and I’m like…
What the h... is this man preaching?
“How do you expect your husband to treat you right when all you do all day is sit in Mama Carol’s shop and gossip about the one wrapper Mama Nkechi has been wearing almost every Sunday to the church?” the preacher man asked
“What is your business?” The man continued
There was a loud “Ehen!” from the women sitting at the other pew. The kind of “Ehen” that actually meant a solid agreement from obviously bereaved women who might have suffered in one way or the other from the female gossips in the church.
“How does it concern you?” the preacher asked again.
“Oohoo!!” the men answered thankful that the pastor was finally speaking their minds.
The youths sitting beside me were roaring in laughter until the preacher suddenly turned his gaze at them and exclaimed….
“Fornication!” he announced pacing backwards towards the pulpit. The heads that had been rolling here and there in laughter had suddenly ceased movements and they were now bowed in shame and discomfort.
“Even the bible insists that when you look lustfully at a woman, you have already fornicated o. In short, wink and your next bus-stop is hell fire. God gave us a very simple instruction…Flee from fornication!” The preacher hit his bible so violently that pieces of it flew off from the pulpit stand.
“The bible did not say He said you should even start telling the devil how spiritual you are o, it said ‘flee!’ As in, vamoose!” he continued ignoring our gazes on the pieces of torn bible passages on the floor.
“Now to turn to your neighbor and say “Neighbor?” he instructed.
The church repeated loudly as everyone turned to the persons next to them in a single chorus,
“Neighbor?”
“Vamoose!” the pastor exclaimed loudly and of course the church chorused…“Vamoose!”
At that moment, I could not stop myself from laughing. I realized suddenly why I had been lost in thoughts instead of being in the “spirit”- clapping, jumping and answering ‘ride on pastor” like my fellow sisters in the lord were doing all morning. I could also see why I wasn’t even listening for the Rhema as my fellow spiritual brethren would say. But couldn’t anyone at least see how faulty the sermon was going? It was becoming more of a comedy show than what it was supposed to be- a moment of deep contemplation and sobriety. I remembered a songwriter once saying that she was never really delighted to have a standing ovation after her performance. To her, it meant all she did was put up a good show which is never her intent. It was only when there was a sudden silence and many sniffs afterwards that she knew that the messages in her songs were carrying out their desired effects. But then, I was not a song writer na, deacon or even a ghen ghen believer to even dare interrupt the man of God. What was I supposed to say...
“Eh pastor, your message na comedy show? Or
"no, pastor, eh you are not supposed to preach like this o...
Ha! No o! God did not anoint me to preach abeg…so what do I know?, I quietly shegbakpoed to one side and kept my thoughts to myself.
“Dating in church?” Please can anyone show me in the bible where it is written that you are free to look at a sister lustfully and then be toasting her here in the church?” that was the pastor’s reply to a question asked by a young dude five seats away. The dude’s brows had burrowed in confusion as he stared unbelievably at the pastor. I’m sure he was wondering... “Na wa o! So we no fit track girl again?”
“It is not holy” the preacher continued.
“Gbam!” the elders in the church answered and I shook my head for the hundredth time.
It’s saddened to know that these sermons still happen in some churches where it is insisted that relationships, love and dating should be kept outside of the church which unfortunately is misread by youths to mean that God hates relationships, that God hates the idea of boyfriend and girlfriend, and that God hates the idea of two people in love.
It reminded me of a couple in the church way back when I was in the university. The church had found out that they were dating and were given a month’s suspension. The lady who was the lead singer of the choir eventually quitted the church but the dude, an evangelist was made to sit at the back of the church throughout the one month suspension. So does this mean that God frowns when two of his precious children see each other compatible, fall in love and want a working relationship? Even the mention of the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ alone is enough for a preacher to look you from head to toe and ask for a deliverance session for you. Wooh! They must cast out that demon of fornication from your life o. I mean it is sad to say that there are only few churches that recognize that these things are out there; that feelings are real, that love exists and that relationships happen. These holy and thou preachers make it seem like God is not interested in our love lives and then you find we the youths, going out there believing these lies and then failing repeatedly when it comes to relationships.
Now, it is no news that sex alias 'fornication' in this case is one of the reasons churches prohibit relationships. Pardon me…It might even be the sole reason for all we know, although I stand to be corrected. They prefer a brother writing to the church authority about his intentions to ‘marry’ sister Bisi and not to date her. In short, the word “date” sef has an orthodox definition to mean ‘sex in disguise”. And believe me, in the heart of hearts of that dude eh, na date he mean o…
“Youths have fire in their blood, it is almost impossible for them to abstain if they are encouraged to have relationships” a preacher once lamented to me in his defense. But then, how many virgins do we have in churches today? Are these boys and girls not the same individuals who listen to “Thou shall not fornicate” in almost every sermon? Didn’t they hear the words? "Don't they hear them?”
“It is Satan o. The devil is a very tricky somebody!” was the preacher’s answer. “He takes the seed out of their hearts so they go back the same way they came”
True, I agree but not in most cases. In most cases, the devil has little or nothing to do about anything. It is the misinformed messages that do more harm than good. The simple negligence and misinterpretation of God’s words that are doing more of the havoc of keeping youths away from God because our preachers forget that relationship in itself is one of the major facets in the life of a youth. Ignore it or get it wrong, you’ve ruined almost everything.
I also agree totally that the devil moves about like a roaring lion seeking for whom to destroy but have we tried encouraging youths to imbibe spirituality in their relationships? Have we considered encouraging them to seek God’s opinion about whoever they want to go into relationships with?
I was chatting with a friend one day and I asked her after she finished gisting me about some dude she met and liked, and her contemplation about going into a relationship with him.
“Oh that’s great…have you told God about it?” I asked her and this was her reply…
“God? how? How does it concern God?”
See my point?
It is this negligence that makes us move from one relationship to another. Now pardon me, I’m not saying it is so for all relationships. But think deep about it; has any relationship that has been built and founded in God ever failed? I’m not saying there aren’t some trying times. It is impossible to get to know a person without hitting roadblocks on the way. What I’m saying however is letting Him into your heart to rule as Lord. It will make Him guide you and prevent you from unnecessary emotional investment, where you fall in love with someone and in the end find out they were wrong for you. Abi I lie? Aren’t there some relationships you must have gone into and wished you had more insight about it before you did? Well that’s what God does. He gives clues.
He isn’t just only interested in your finances, education, family, job, health and all – Every time we cry out “God help my family, help my business, prosper my ways, heal my body, but have we ever said “God, I met a girl/boy today that I think I like…is he/she right for me? Does he or she fall in your plan for my life? - In truth, he is vastly interested in your love life as well. He wants to guide and protect your heart, making sure that you never lose sight of your purpose here on earth by unwanted distractions and heartbreaks because He knows just how important it is for you to stay happy and be in love. So, He gives protection and stability.
Even in the issue of attraction and sex, He provides insight, wisdom and strength on how to waive it off till marriage. Now, I’m sure I’m making it sound easy….
“Q, you don’t know what conji is, that is why you are talking like this”
And there is “Sex eh is like food o…if you don’t eat, how do you expect to survive?
And there are also “Q, it’s just not easy abeg…forget that thing!”
And I agree. Abstaining from sex is like seeing iced bottle of coke on a sunny day and drinking hot water. Believe me, I’ve seen conji first hand and it is not a funny something... but that is where God comes in.
“But the comforter which is the Holy Ghost whom the father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you”. The ‘alls’ are emphasized because all is exactly what it means and that includes sex and attraction.
God is terribly certain in the matters of the heart. At first, it may even seem silly…
God? How could He possibly know? He is God na, how can He know what I’m feeling? Is it not our feelings and emotions that make us human and not gods? But I usually say, it is the God in us that makes us humans with emotions. God himself is love.
But these preachers make Him sound like one kind political dictator or bureaucrat sef that is incapable of emotions. Go through the whole passages of the bible, you will find God’s feelings spilling from one page to another. So believe me when I say He knows precisely what feelings are…Yes, because He put them there Himself in the first place. He knows them better than anyone else for we were all created in His own image and likeness.
I still couldn't understand what the preacher was saying but I guess everyone has their own understanding and way of communicating, hence the sermon...So i adjusted myself again on my seat and finally screamed....
"Ride on, pastor!"
Written by Iwediokpulu Quincy
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