“I sincerely lay no claims to being more knowledgeable than anyone, for these are merely my perceptions about life and they are opened to debate and criticisms -please feel free to anytime. However I do believe I know better than I knew yesterday and many years before. The sincere purpose is to be able to bless someone out there for knowledge is tyrannical unless it is shared. Enjoy!
So I’ve been going round and round in circles trying to find a way to coherently put my thoughts into writing without sounding gibberish and silly and I think I have eventually found a break through. But first, let me apologize in advance in case you find this note offensive or demeaning. I just think that there are some things that need to be addressed and perhaps corrected, otherwise how else can we grow?
When we talk about the Independent woman, we talk about a woman who can literally provide for herself. She can totally take care of herself, not just herself, everyone around her, which makes it so beautiful, doesn’t it? I mean, she is a hard worker, ambitious and an absolute aspirant to greatness. In fact these days, you can rarely find a guy who doesn’t want to have a relationship with an independent woman after all they wouldn’t get to spend a dime on her. “Hell, she can even be the one paying the bills”-the lazy ones would say. As a matter of fact, these days, when a dude walks up to me and lists independence as one of the qualities he wants in a woman, I do a double check on him- a thorough CIA investigation to be sure that he isn’t planning to take me for a ride and my independence for foolishness. Believe me, it’s very important because even though you take me out on a date and I have a couple of bucks in my purse enough to pay for our meals…Dude, you still have to take the bill.
These days our pastors teach we ladies how much it is to be independent and I totally applaud it. I mean, definitely, you cannot always rely on your man. Personally I don’t think it’s even wise to rely on him at all but that doesn’t mean in any way that you wouldn’t let him do things for you. I’ve heard and seen cases where a man takes a girl out on a date and wants to pay the bill and she wouldn’t have it insisting on paying her own meal herself and even gets rude about it.
“Girl, if you are so buoyant-and by the way I say the word ‘buoyant’ in the most sarcastic way possible-why don’t you pay for his as well? What’s with the front?”
I personally think it’s foolish and stupid. In as much as you are independent, you really don’t have to flaunt that you are which precisely is the point of this note.
Being independent I have come to realize, is a privilege but we African women seemed to pride ourselves so much in it that we lose the bigger picture. It’s probably one of the many reasons we find a lot of unmarried ladies (F.Y.I, that totally includes me…I don’t even mind being the only one in this bracket but then I’m so included..lolx) out there who become so desperate for marriage that they end up in the wrong hands.
I have noticed that the sermons we hear today surrounds “How not to rely always on your man”, that is independence, “How not to aspire to marriage but to self-achievements” which is beautiful, “how to win the heart of a man”, how to do and be this and that…but no one or rather, only a selected few actually speak on submissiveness.
Now let’s get to the juicy part. I know for a fact how intoxicating it gets when one is able to fund themselves, hell, I’m a perfect example- I stay on my own- been so for a very long time-I pay my bills and that of my family’s. I may not drive a car yet but I don’t run off to daddy or mummy for T-fare or pocket money. There is this power… this pride which is the total downside of being independent. I am literally the boss of my own. It becomes so intoxicating that it shifts to your decision making. You don’t bother to take advices. You make your own choices, after all nobody tells or can tell you want to do. So imagine someone coming from nowhere wanting to make decisions with you and for you and then, there is a struggle.
Have you ever wondered why a man would leave a well-educated, financially buoyant and career-driven woman for a village girl?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Few months ago, a question was asked on my favorite radio station, Coolfm Abuja, why Nigerian men get intimated about asking a rich girl out and there were so many male answers of course ranging from…
“It’s not like we are intimidated, it’s just that eh they always feel pompous”
“Menh I go ask o…sugar-mommy no ni”
“Rich girls always have attitude problem. They have drama”
“Well you see, why would I want to date a girl that I cannot match her budget with mine? You want make she come dey look down on me?”
And of course the ladies asking the questions in the studio were like “What?! Is it now a crime to be rich and successful as a woman?”
I’m sorry to say this but it is o, especially here in Nigeria. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. This na Ninja! We live in a traditional society where when a woman is overly independent, it becomes a problem for a typical Nigerian man; why, you may ask, because she is categorized as being rude, arrogant and pompous which half of the time is true. You’ll find husbands asking their wives to quit their jobs because their wives’ incomes are greater than theirs. You will even find husbands insisting their wives sit at home and take care of the children despite the economic recession, when these women can conveniently use their certificates that are apparently gathering dust to make a fortune.
I’m not saying these things should be encouraged or not. I am actually a firm believer of the Independent concept- being able to support one’s self financially. I’ve seen and heard cases of women who were able to revive their husbands’ financial wells by the little or more that they earned but these women were the humble ones, the submissive ones. The ones who recognized that despite their intelligence, good fortune and independent personalities, when it came down to marriage, their husbands were the heads in their homes.
I personally think submissiveness should be encouraged as much as independence is encouraged because it’s really what we are that will bring into the lives of others. However, let me quickly chip in that, submissiveness on its own is a virtue that varies individually and how you choose to apply it to your relationships and marriages is entirely up to you. But for tips, ask God…..
Written by Iwediokpulu Quincy;
©kycee’stales.com: Sincerely Q
Comments
Post a Comment