“I sincerely lay no claims to bein. more knowledgeable than anyone, for these are merely my perceptions about life and they are opened to debate and criticisms -please feel free to anytime. However I do believe I know better than I knew yesterday and many years before. The sincere purpose is to be able to bless someone out there for knowledge is tyrannical unless it is shared. Enjoy!”
So, I told a friend of mine that I have a problem with relationship books and articles and she took it as an offence… I was even afraid she was going to just tear through the screen of my phone and swallow me because I didn’t need to be a physic to know that she was type-shouting.
“Q, how can you say you have a problem with them? They are good for you!” she complained
“Eh maybe…but I don’t like them na” I typed away in defense.
“Read “this and this” by Mr or Mrs that and that. It will help you” She recommended
"No thanks” I insisted
“Hmm…seriously Q, these books help. You should try and read them. They will tell you what to do” She continued, not wanting to give up.
"Mba ooooooooooooooooooo! What na? Na by force? I lamented stubbornly in my mind as I dropped my phone and ignored the rest of the message. Now I think I already know what’s going through your mind, isn’t it just ironic when all I do is write about love…and heart…and guys and men…and relationships and blah and blah but the truth is, I will stick by my disclaimer anytime, any day. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING O! , yet I will be the last person on earth to go and waste my money on any relationship book or article. Why? You may ask. Eh maybe it is because I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I’ve realized it isn’t really about anyone’s understanding of what love or relationship should be about but basically about what God has to say about that particular relationship. Now before you crucify me in the place called Golgotha, I am not saying it is a terrible thing to share experiences or stories or tips but the problem is that we humans are so peculiar that no two circumstances can be the same…No two situations can ever be situated in the same chance. Even though Brother Samson slapped Delilah on a Sunday morning, Brother David may have slapped Beth on a Tuesday afternoon yet, it is the same action of slapping. Or there may even be a slight percentage difference in the velocity of the slaps that occurred or the circumstances surrounding the slaps or there may probably be the chance that brother Samson had even slapped Delilah on the left cheek while brother David’s slap was on Beth’s right cheek…so my question is, why proffer just one supposed solution to the situations when they are obviously different?
To me, those books, quotes, articles are merely just guides which should be read for enlightenment (an enlightenment which can only be gathered in time) and not as a solution in themselves to a problem because in our usual moments of despair, we are rarely looking for guides, haba! let me ask you…If you heard that the person owing you money is just two streets away, wouldn’t you find a shortcut that would lead you to the same place at a lesser time so that you don’t miss the person, especially when you don’t have shin-shin in your wallet/purse? Wooh There is usually no time for guides jor… A Guide at that moment is a very afar thing o! We are actually looking for solutions- an instant gratification for our worries. At that most of desperation to have our problems solved, we unfortunately confuse those publications as solutions and apply them to our already faulty love lives when they are merely just what they are, guides. They may not work for some, they may work for others but only for that moment and the unfortunate thing about it is, if that person was to bring that ‘solution’ into a similar situation with a different party, I can bet you that it wouldn’t yield the same result. It may even make matters worse.
Few weeks ago, I saw on my writing platform, NAIJASTORIES, a writer was asking “Will you marry a person that your pastor has disapproved?”. Now, if you were to type this same question on Google, amazing search engines like Wiki answer will tell you “eh! follow your heart” which literal means, it is really all about what you feel, your pastor’s opinion doesn’t matter…Eh as even one of the comments went, “ it is not your pastor you will be marrying but the person na, so why should your pastor’s consent matter? It makes sense, doesn’t it? Yet, it is comments like these that unfortunately land us into more problems because they are precisely what the compliant wants to hear. They are basic common sense answers which any sane person would proffer but a kingdom person, a person who has this wonderful and established relationship with God knows without any reasonable doubt, that such a question is as vital as the Guinness logo is to its malt bottle/can and thus its solution/answer would be to be divine because a ‘true’ pastor isn’t just an ordinary person. He is the mouth piece of God, so for him to disapprove…You have to go back to the foundation of that relationship…Is it founded in God? Has God himself given you the go-ahead because it’s not just about feelings or emotions?
I was surfing through the internet one day, trying to figure out how to get over my broken heart and I typed…”HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN HEART”. The number of searches I found eh…it was something, something billion and of course I clicked the first page and it went like…. Tips on how to get over a broken heart, Ways on how to deal with a broken heart, What to do to get over broken heart, I trust wiki- answers now…how to deal with a broken heart with pictures and slideshows… And of course the solutions were endless… Get rid of the person from your life, Burn or throw away what items of the person you have, Keep a reasonable distance from the person and blah blah blah… I shook my head knowing for a fact that no matter how much my heart aches, there are certain people in your life that mean more than feelings…I then went back to the Google search space and added HOW TO GET OVER A BROKEN HEART- GOD’S WAY.
There is one awesome thing I love about the man in my life- My best friend. Every time I bring an ish to him, the first thing he asks me is “Have you spoken to God about it? And when my answer is negative, he would say “Kycee…whenever you have a problem, take it to God first before you even seek my opinion or anybody’s opinion about it…because then, God would be able to direct you to those opinions that are consistent with His word…God always confirms His word. He is not a God of confusion” When it comes to relationship, no two persons are the same, no two circumstances are the same but yet we are all people created uniquely by the same God…a God who gave understanding to those writers, who proffered solutions where tips where coined from and where articles were fabricated from. Honestly if you ask me, what better source do you need as a solution to that dilemma? Who better can know the heart of a man or woman, if not God? Think about it…..
Written by Quincy Iwediokpulu
Last time on Sincerely Q
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