A Grandmother cautions, guides and advises her granddaughter via a letter on the overated topic: Sex, alongside love, relationship and marriage.
Culled from @kaylachanaiblog
Written by Alison Denisco.
When I was twenty years old and dating my first serious
boyfriend, my grandma Carmela asked my mother point-
blank if I was still a virgin. She didn't get an answer, but I
came home on my next college break to find the now-
infamous Grandma Sex Letter patiently awaiting my arrival,
the grandmotherly cursive writing on the back of a
newsletter from her senior housing facility belying its
scandalous nature. What follows is explicit yet touching
advice on sex and love from my eighty-six-year-old
grandma.
Continue to read the letter. You will learn a lot...
My beloved Alison,
Now that you have become a complete woman, I want to
give you my thoughts and hints on sex and love and a few
lessons about people, from your grandmother who has
been there to you who are just beginning.
1. To know if you are both in love, you feel a "connection"
in bed. If you feel ALONE in bed when having sex, you are
with the WRONG man. This is CRITICAL! The connection of
mind, body, soul!
2. There is real love that everyone wants but it does not
happen to everyone — it is called "soul-mates," spiritual,
supernatural. This is the highest form of love — it is a
religious feeling. You have found God. You know instantly,
"love at first sight." You know he was meant for you and he
is your real husband, and he knows you are his wife-to-
be.
3. When having sex and the female does not enjoy it, I
strongly recommend that the female gets on top of the
man. It always works, the female has a climax and
enjoyment. If he wants to perform oral sex on you, enjoy
it!
4. Always make sure the man's penis is CLEAN. Make sure
he washes it with soap and water before coming to bed.
5. Many men are PIGS. They want sex every day! You are
not obligated to say "yes" to please him if you do not feel
up to it. You never do anything unless you want to. To
pacify the pig, give him manual stimulation!
6. Never, never do ANAL sex! You can get diseases,
especially if after anal, he goes vaginal. Also ORAL sex is
dangerous if there are cuts in your mouth, or sores. Men
love it. Don't swallow his SEMEN! You can get throat
STDs. There is no cure for herpes. Chlamydia and
gonorrhea have no symptoms and can leave you sterile.
You both would need antibiotics!
7. Some men are pre-mature ejaculators; that is very
frustrating and bad for the female. He needs help to learn
to control himself until the female is ready.
8. There should be foreplay to get the girl ready. As you get
older, more experienced, you can skip all that and it is over
in 7 minutes.
9. Perhaps you already know all these hints. I hope you
find it helpful; I love you and do not want you to make a
mistake. Never marry someone and say "Well, I can always
get a divorce if I'm not happy." When there are children,
you are never divorced. The ex-husband will be in your life
forever, so make sure you marry the right guy.
10. Make sure you never marry an abusive control freak.
When a man loves you, there is respect. He will be proud of
you and your achievements — not jealous and needing to
know your every move, or keeping you away from family
and friends. Make sure he comes from a happy family with
a loving mother and father who have a good marriage.
11. Never, never tell a boyfriend if you have any savings,
inheritance-to-be or your salary when you graduate. Some
men look for a woman with money. I do not respect such
men! If he has credit card debt, DUMP him immediately!
You only discuss finances with the man you want to
marry.
12. Should you date a man who is stingy, dollar conscious,
and you love to spend money, the relationship will never
work unless you are a thrifty person yourself, then you can
put up with him.
13. When dating a new man, do not feel obligated to have
sex with him because he bought you dinner. To avoid this,
pay for your own dinner. You are getting to know each
other. You are not a homeless person who needs a meal.
14. Be happy, be with someone whose company you enjoy
and you can't live without, and respect him. Watch out for
womanizers, drunks!
15. You can make sure you know a man well by dating him
on weekends and vacations. If he's unsure about
committing, DUMP him. No excuses.
16. Hope you find the happiness you deserve. There should
be love, respect, admiration, trust, and a mental and
physical connection. If you find "true love," you will live
happily every after. That is true.
Love,
Grandma Carmela
Grandma is on point oooo
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